A Latin phrase. Da mihi facta, dabo tibi ius. “Give me the facts, I will give you the law.” –
Who loves the hopeless romantic if the hopeless romantic doesn’t love themselves?
With the power of a bow and arrow, you could kill another human being without actually looking them in the eye, and that was the end of bravery. Any tool that could kill at a distance is cowardly. Words, pauses, silence, everything we used to avoid other human beings, especially those we did wrong_ is cowardly. And this is in fact for you, my dear!
I missed you quietly today, so quietly that no one noticed.
No one, but the universe.
I missed you without tears, noise, or fanfare.
I missed you as I looked for a movie and stared at your favorite ‘genre’ while a tear dropped my cheek.
I missed you as I ordered lunch and as I came home and kicked off my trainers.
I missed you when I cried in the shower today for two hours straight and then called in sick, making up a fake story.
I missed you when I turned off all the lights and climbed into bed for a goodnight cry.
I missed you like a crazy fanatic teenage girl who is obsessed with you.
And, I missed you like an Alpha female with a stern face, who just aced a business meeting.
I missed you when I tip-toed around the stairs carefully yet still managed to stumble upon and hit all the photo frames.
I missed you as I ran on the treadmill until the adrenaline took my life away.
I missed you while lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to recall what I did ‘wrong’.
I missed you when I finished my makeup, looked stunningly hot in the mirror, and still washed my face before stepping out.
I missed you as I was waiting for the light to turn green, but I pushed the accelerator anyway and closed my eyes.
I missed you when I poured salt into my teacup, mistakenly, and then I cried like a ‘baby’.
I missed you in the afternoons as I waited for the pills to kick in and take my memory away.
I missed you when I slipped out of my heels, and you weren’t there to crack a joke.
I missed you when I abruptly pushed all the buttons in an elevator to avoid a friend who was catching up.
I missed you when I was trembling with fear at 2:30 in the morning but you didn’t come for help.
I missed you when I checked in to a hotel and jumped up and down on the bed like a crazy clown but nobody joined in.
I missed you when I had a haircut and I took a snap for my bangs but I didn’t have anyone to send it to.
I missed you when I was dancing around the kitchen at midnight, imagining my future as a ‘housewife’.
I missed you when I heard the sound of the rain dropping in my garden.
I missed you at that brunch, in the evening, and at dinner times all week long.
I missed you when I looked at a venue that I told you was my ‘dream wedding’.
I missed you when I ran my fingers nervously through the pendant, a hundredth time, in that grey paint suit you ‘admired’.
I felt ‘grief’ in each one of those moments, each one heavier than the other because it kept growing. The sorrow, it’s never-ending. I didn’t deserve that, you knew it too. I know you know, that I know you know!
Crazy what they say!! If you never ask, the answer will always be ‘No’. haah.. well, I did ask, and the answer was certainly ‘no’.
What is for you a curse? Not getting an ‘answer’ or getting a ‘no’?
