My past self knocked on my door today, and I let her in.
She looked at me, with big teary eyes, I couldn’t see if it was a happy or a sad smile.
She sat beside me, grabbed my shoulder, and whispered: People who have their shit together don’t make a lot of sense to the outside world. Do they? Those who’ve endured significant inner battles may seem detached or unemotional.
Do you know why? because they don’t see us, In our rooms, late at night, crying over something that happened seven years ago!
How gracefully do we carry our emotional scars? It’s admirable:
You’ll not see my anger on the floor in bits and pieces,
There won’t be cracks in the windows from fists, nor any overturned chairs,
You won’t hear screams echoing through these halls,
There are no raised voices, no thunder in my words, no rage burning through my gaze—I’m controlling all my fire.
Because calm and quiet is the new cool, and that my friend is how the other half lives.
No destruction, no chaos, no outward signs of the battles raging inside—I’m keeping it all together, even as the walls tremble.
If you cannot understand why somebody doesn’t show emotion, don’t call them mean, or heartless: they might have died years ago, for the ‘feelings’ that you caught today!
You don’t know how many battles I have fought before encountering you! There is never any need to get worked up and trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.
People who have overcome darkness in their life typically have a fire inside them, that might destroy you! Save yourself!
You know what, sometimes, when you hurt somebody enough, leaving them alone is the nicest thing you could do! We always have the option of having no opinion. Opinions about their pains, their mindset, their behavior, their language, their curses, and the way they talk to the trees! Stop telling people who they are, stop kidding yourself that you know them!
The door closed behind her with a soft finality that echoed louder than any slam ever could. The air felt heavier, thick with the weight of unsaid words, unhealed wounds, and the ghost of a thousand unresolved moments. I reached out, but she was already gone—just like the last time, and the time before that. Always leaving me to my shadows, the cold silence wrapping itself around me like an unwelcome embrace. And then, I heard a whisper…..
Vulnerability and strength coexist!
