Can you bring yourself back to peace without that one person’s hug? Can you tap yourself on the bag after that bat shit crazy shouting? Can you look in the mirror and summon yourself to take care of YOU?
I figured this cruel question out, and the answer is ‘ fucking yes’.
Don’t let people have the chance to wrong you twice.
I was not okay that day, but in the absence of okay:
I was still gentle (to myself)
I was unashamed (of myself).
I sharepened my empathy (for myself).
I am not okay today, but that doesn’t mean I am not worthy. I’m one hell of a woman even when I’m crying like a 2 years old.
This past week, I did myself the greatest favor: I took that step. It demanded every fiber of my being to rise from those stairs, arms wrapped around my chest, shoulders heavy and crumpled. Yet I lifted my head, placed one foot forward, then another, and another, until I was finally moving back to my apartment door.
I am not blaming the person sitting next to me, but I am not putting them under the gun anymore to help me relax. This moment is my ‘Eureka’. I am celebrating myself because I reclaimed what was always mine – my power. I am not waiting for someone else to come and save me, hold me tight, and wipe my tears. I’ coming to save you, my dear self.
Grief is so powerful. It could change the space-time continuum.
My past self, the strong maryam, the smart maryam, the empathetic one, just came to save me. She was right here with me when I couldn’t breathe. I summoned myself to save myself. I found a cheat code. Bow down, you disbelievers!
Dont give them the power to play you like a violin:
First, they’ll become your safe space, urging you to bare your raw, unfiltered emotions. But once your walls are down and you let it all out, they’ll dismiss it as nothing more than drama. Why bother trying to make your point to those stubborn people? Who are always gonna tag you one way or the other. And always have that smirk smile on one side of their face while they’re blowing you up. Gaslighting may fool us for a while, but it never transforms character. This is me, a smart, beautiful woman who makes good decisions. You have taken it away from me for the last 306600 minutes, but hey, hey, I am putting an end to it, and I’d like my dignity back. Thanks a bunch! Now show yourself out.
Stay away from a guy who keeps a checklist of ‘what you can be’ and ‘what you can’t’ momentarily, as per his convenience.
Take away that power, it’s your goddamne name, your life, you have all the fucking copyrights, don’t you?. You can gracefully exit situations and people who were once very important to you, but now, well, not so much. Coz you have seen it, you tried, you went beyond the distance to make sense of it, but it didn’t work out any way. And hey, going beyond the distance means doing your best, not their best – because they are smart and selfish, they will always add another item to that checklist, just to mock you, and that one additional check will always beat your best and make you look like a complete loser.
Never get into a war with the one who keeps changing the criteria of the game. You’ll never win. In case of a strong, independent woman, you’ll always end up being called a crazy bitch or a drama.
True merit is lost when judged by false measures. You don’t play basketball on a chessboard. Do you?
Sometimes the only victory is stepping out and getting into the right arena.
It’s your Kobayashi Maru – win a no-win situation by changing the ‘person sitting next to you’.
